Urnings is a mixed media anthology of gay cis and transmasculine experiences in the often toxic, hypersexualized and evolving world of “the scene.” LGBT culture is always evolving and as our narratives continue to gain prevalence in the mainstream consciousness, particularly white, cis, male narratives, what it means to live as a queer person only continues to change. Apps like Grindr, Scruff, and others are, according to psychological research and overwhelming anecdotal evidence, making their users depressed, yet dependent, while also creating digital communities for people who otherwise would never feel safe entering the LGBT world. This project is a collaboration between myself and the people I work with, intentionally focused on cis male and transmasculine experiences only for the purpose of concision. The work is ongoing. It incorporates interviews done in person, through the dating app Grindr, and various text message platforms, as well as various kinds of photographs (i.e. portraiture, reportage, landscape). The presentation is through this app which is intentionally an imitation of Grindr, through which users, both who are familiar with gay dating apps and those who are not, can understand how this world is impacting the LGBT community. Navigate through profiles or move to the other tabs. Cruising is a series of landscapes made of either known cruising locations sourced by the database CruisingForSex.com or from individual accounts from people I’ve met. The work is ongoing and artistic in its commentary. Interviews are edited for clarity and brevity.
Research, photography and interviews by Nicholas Pfosi
Web development and design by Michael Fitzpatrick
"},"messages":[{"text":"Dinner is super yummy, thanks for cooking","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:53:00"},{"text":"Gooooooddd - you're welcome","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:54:15"},{"image":"images/message/avery_nick.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:55:30"},{"text":"Interview thing soon maybe?:","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:56:45"},{"text":"Yes indeed","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:58:00"},{"text":"Do you want wine? It occurs to me inebriation might facilitate things haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 22:59:15"},{"text":"I cannot become inebriated because workkkk","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:00:30"},{"text":"Don't you have to work on your project too","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:01:45"},{"text":"haha very much so but wine helps the creative juices flow ;)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:03:00"},{"text":"or maybe just mitigates the stress of getting it done by my first deadline","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:04:15"},{"text":"What's it actually about that makes it so big for you?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:05:30"},{"text":"i guess it's just the fact that it's ultimately really personal. work i've done in the past has been personal sure, but somehow i feel naked when people look at this project. as much as so many of the guys are vulnerable in what they tell me, i feel put out there too. revealed through what i focus on or what i say in the interviews. it's as much as my take on gay life or whatever as anything empirical, if that makes sense.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:06:45"},{"image":"images/message/img033.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:08:00"},{"text":"Put out there?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:09:15"},{"text":"yeah ... just in the sense that a lot of my thoughts, opinions are guiding this project... if it's rejected, if it falls on deaf ears, it's like telling a joke and no one laughs, or raising a point and everyone in the room disagrees. it's scary like that.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:10:30"},{"text":"not to mention the subject matter is just more intimate. ive played around creatively... sure i do some commercial job or newspaper work... even i know when the pictures suck, i did a bad job or whatever... it's removed from who i am outside of my work","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:11:45"},{"text":"in some ways this project doesnt feel removed. it feels like a physicalization of how i feel, how i think in my head","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:13:00"},{"text":"I mean I feel that, it seems relevant considering the place you're coming from too in \"gay culture","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:14:15"},{"text":"what do you mean","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:15:30"},{"text":"I mean we met through that gay hookup \"Grindr\" culture haha, the journey out of that into something more healthy and meaningful was a twisty road at times","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:16:45"},{"text":"haha yeah that's true. i forget we're kind of the grindr success story in a way.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:18:00"},{"text":"have you met partners thru it before me, or ?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:19:15"},{"text":"now that i think about i havent really asked you at all about what you think of Grindr.. how you used it before we met","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:20:30"},{"text":"Just like most guys I think, it was kinda love-hate. The loneliness drew me to it while the superficiality and fickleness and creepiness pushed me away, it was a bit of a tug-of-war but we happened to meet when I was more drawn to it","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:21:45"},{"text":"Can't say that I've met anyone else long-term through it though, no","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:23:00"},{"text":"what's creepy about it for you","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:24:15"},{"text":"i remember when i downloaded it for the first time a month or so before i met you all these ideas about gay hook up culture became concrete for me... just how available sex was, how casual everything was... not to mention the validation factor of people being interested (or the lack thereof.. )","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:25:30"},{"text":"The vibe is really sexual and men sometimes are pushy to the point of stalking, writing you until you block them (and sometimes creating new accounts to go around that), sending unsolicited nudes all the time, kind of just reducing everything about a person to just sexual interest and nothing else which seemed to make guys not care about being offensive or too pushy because everyone was objectified regardless","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:26:45"},{"text":"although i remember the night after we met for the first time i all but deleted the app... i was all smitten and shit and the guys i had been talking to couldn't have felt less interesting at that point.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:28:00"},{"text":"yeah that seems like a widely held opinion haha. here, in europe, wherever ive been w the app honestly.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:29:15"},{"text":"Haha it took you a while to be really open about that in general","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:30:30"},{"text":"open about what?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:31:45"},{"text":"your own gayness","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:33:00"},{"image":"images/message/cologne.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:34:15"},{"text":"yeah i suppose. it was definitely a long road. it seems small but my high school girlfriend reacting so badly when i told her about the assault w that guy set me back a lot. not to mention all this internalized shit i was determined to get rid of when i got to college but somehow held on to, maybe even double down on in a way..","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:35:30"},{"text":"Internalized homophobia can be a bitch","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:36:45"},{"text":"i will forever regret my freshman year roommate who never actually came out to me because i was homophobic to him... that's pretty awful","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:38:00"},{"text":".. :/ yeah","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:39:15"},{"text":"i just dont get where it comes from for me. my parents are pretty chill about it. and it's not like New England is the rural south or a country where being gay is illegal... sure it's religious but mostly pretty liberal. at least where i grew up on the border of Mass.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:40:30"},{"text":"i just remember developing this mentality when i started to question things about my sexuality that would play over in my head... it was okay for *other* people to be gay, but it meant to much given up for me","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:41:45"},{"text":"like somehow i was branding myself abnormal. foregoing a family or kids. idk. i remember beign really sad about that and denying it for as long as possible","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:43:00"},{"text":"Just because it's comparatively more accepted in your community doesn't mean that there isn't still a strong stigma and bias that's constantly instilled in your mind through the media, comments by others, etc.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:44:15"},{"text":"yeah i guess..","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:45:30"},{"text":"Yep, I was there too but I hit that phase a lot before you I guess","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:46:45"},{"text":"yeah you and everyone else it seems.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:48:00"},{"text":"Well that's why it was so hard for me with you because I had already been there so I recognized what you were doing and what you were going through when you were mean and homophobic towards me but it felt like it was dragging me back into that sense of insecurity and worthlessness","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:49:15"},{"text":"To the point where I couldn't even see a straight couple kiss in a movie without getting triggered","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:50:30"},{"text":"It was rough","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:51:45"},{"text":"I don't know if you remember watching a trailer for a movie that had a sex scene in it, and I got so triggered I withdrew and had to leave the room for an hour or so, and then you got frustrated because you thought I was mad at you when in reality I was trying to cope with how triggered I was and how much my self esteem had sunk","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:53:00"},{"text":"yeah... it's weird cause i don't remember feeling \"inexperienced\" in terms of guys when we got together but without a doubt you were and are my first boyfriend, or anything really even close to a boyfriend... sure i had hook ups or sustained flings, but it wasn't the same... i don't think i knew what i was getting into. I thought i was ready but i guess i wasn't.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:54:15"},{"text":"wow i dont remember that.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:55:30"},{"text":"i guess you dealt w all that shit so quietly out of deference for my coming to terms w my shit that the details aren't marked in my mind ..","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:56:45"},{"text":"especially now, cause i wouldn't trade queerness for anyhting. i look at guys on grindr w blank profiles or who say \"discreet\" or whatever... my heart breaks for them. it's crazy how much you can change once you start accepting yourself i guess","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:58:00"},{"text":"It was in Aarhus when we were visiting the first time at that AirBnb, but yeah I didn't even recognize it for what it was. At the time I thought it was my fault because honestly you thought it was biphobic when I didn't want to hear you reinforce your straightness when in reality it was hurting me because it was like you weren't just accepting that you were with me, there was still some focus back to Gia (whom you talked about on a daily basis which really bothered me after a while, especially when you talked about her sexually) or some other woman you had been with that you would compare me to","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 23:59:15"},{"text":"And I accepted that I was just being biphobic until I realized months later that that wasn't the case","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:00:30"},{"text":"So what I mean is that no, it wasn't deference, it was out of guilt because I thought I was the one being unreasonable","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:01:45"},{"text":"yeah that's a pretty profoundly shitty situation i put you in, frankly.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:03:00"},{"text":"Still not very easy to talk about for me, I've only recently (within the last six months or so) stopped getting so triggered and affected by everything.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:04:15"},{"text":"idk what else to say beyond that. of course I'm sorry and i know we've talked about it.. . on an individual level it's horrible but also thinking about it systemically, all the people and all the couples who have to go thru shit like because of whatever internalized stuff they grow up w","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:05:30"},{"text":"fuck.. idk. i mean it's awful. you didn't deserve that. you don't deserve that.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:06:45"},{"text":"and as much as i want to abdicate blame and put it on society i should have been better.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:08:00"},{"text":"i mean it.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:09:15"},{"text":"And you accepted that quickly from the moment I realized and confronted you about it, if you hadn't, we wouldn't still be together.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:10:30"},{"text":"i guess it was smart to have that boundary. thank god i wised up i guess","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:11:45"},{"text":"What boundary?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:13:00"},{"text":"just that if i hadn't cut the shit around it, you would have broken things off","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:14:15"},{"text":"instead of continued to tolerate the dynamic","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:15:30"},{"text":"I was at a breaking point, it was really starting to traumatize me, I don't think I would have had a choice","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:16:45"},{"text":"It took me a long time to actually feel and trust that you really cared about me","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:18:00"},{"text":"do you remember a year in your life where you started the year straight so to speak and ended the year out ? like where the process we're talking about happened for you","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:19:15"},{"text":":/ it breaks my heart to again hear how much i hurt you","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:20:30"},{"text":"Not really... my early adolescence wasn't exactly typical, so there was a lot of confusion, but like I told you a few days ago I thought I was a girl when I was really young (like 8-9 and under) so there really never was a time when I really thought I was or felt like I was \"normal\" in terms of gender/sexuality","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:21:45"},{"text":"yeah that makes sense","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:23:00"},{"text":"just having talked to all these guys for my project, especially those in the generation before ours... sometimes i catch myself thinking we're in this idyllic world to be queer but im reminded not only how recent so many changes are, but also how much more there's left to change in society","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:24:15"},{"text":"i mean if i can grow up in the 90s and the 2000s with liberal parents, in a liberal community, and still nearly destroy my first gay relationship because of my internalized shit, what kind of destination of we really reached, as a society, if we frame it that way","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:25:30"},{"text":"Yep. Big changes since even the time when we were young, but still not even close to equality","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:26:45"},{"text":"the thing this project has really made me think more about is the role of sex in the queer community","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:28:00"},{"text":"it becomes almost a form of currency","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:29:15"},{"text":"a form of capital you know?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:30:30"},{"text":"I don't know what you mean","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:31:45"},{"text":"like there's the ideal young fit white cis-male body, and everyone else strives around that.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:33:00"},{"text":"im talking about this out of control hook up culture and the people who embrace it and the people who get ignored by it","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:34:15"},{"text":"anyone who doesnt fit this manufactured norm about what is hot","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:35:30"},{"text":"sorry not strives around, i mean strives toward*","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:36:45"},{"text":"it's like we're at this inflection point or identity crisis or something. as queerness becomes mainstreamed, ya know?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:38:00"},{"text":"like the \"not into the scene\" or 'masc4masc\" profiles on Grindr","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:39:15"},{"text":"what does that say about the gay community?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:40:30"},{"text":"I've never thought of it as a form of currency... in my experience and my observation the \"out of control\" promiscuity has been more about trying to feel validated and not understanding that love and sex aren't the same thing because that validation and confirmation doesn't exist for many gays, clearly not even in liberal areas","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:41:45"},{"text":"that we have people who relatively openly fuck other guys... or are ostensibly gay... but reject the community they de facto belong to","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:43:00"},{"text":"mmm yeah i agree. i guess that's what i mean tho by currency. it's like somethign used in exchange for validation or self esteem","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:44:15"},{"text":"like i know in my own life i use sex for all sorts of things, intimacy being the last one on the list sometimes. mostly it's to deal w anxiety but sometimes it's too feel seen or feel attractive.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:45:30"},{"text":"and while sex is so prevelant for gay guys its somehow at the same time not talked about... it's kept to Grindr in a way","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:46:45"},{"text":"like when i talk to straight people about this project, about the stories people tell me, they are invariably shocked or taken off guard","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:48:00"},{"text":"I guess I just can't really see it as a \"currency\" because that implies that you're getting what you're \"paying for\" in a way, when in reality those things don't come out of random sex","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:49:15"},{"text":"but when i talk to gay guys, they all have the reaction like of that's par for the course, i guess","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:50:30"},{"text":"And maybe on the other hand I have a totally different association when it comes to talking about money and sex haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:51:45"},{"text":"i mean maybe currency wasn't the right word","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:53:00"},{"text":"i meant it more as a metaphor not literally..","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/8/2018 0:54:15"},{"text":"I know what you mean I'm just offering my two cents on using that wording","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/9/2018 0:55:30"},{"text":"fair enough. all i know is if this project has taught me anyhting it's too be grateful for our \"Long Term Relationship\" as they say.... it's tricky AF being single as a queer person right now.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/10/2018 0:56:45"},{"text":"Indeed","isUser":true,"timestamp":"3/11/2018 0:58:00"},{"image":"images/message/IMG_20171119_011320.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"3/12/2018 0:59:15"}]},{"order":1,"details":{"name":"Matia","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-m-002_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-m-002_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Matia is from Italy and is doing his Erasmus in Aarhus, Denmark. He is a writer who only recently came out of the closet and is moving on from a significant relationship from back home.
Our conversation occurred on Grindr, WhatsApp and in-person.
Location: Aarhus, Denmark
"}},{"order":2,"details":{"name":"Anthony","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-a-002_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-a-001_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Anthony and I met three days after Miguel, a classmate of his, suddenly committed suicide. Anthony is a Brazilian IB high school student who has lived in Aarhus for several years. Since his friend’s death he has resolved to address the lack of support in the queer community.
Our conversation occurred on Grindr, Instagram, Facebook and in-person.
Location: Aarhus, Denmark
"}},{"order":3,"details":{"name":"Dennis","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-d-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-d-001_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"I met first Dennis when I needed a place to crash in Cologne for a week in 2017. He offered his couch and over the next year, after I left Germany, we stayed in touch. He’s a nurse and loves Marina and Diamonds. (He even has a giant diamond sculpture hanging over his bed). For him, the world is too focused on sex.
Our conversation occurred in-person.
Location: Cologne, Germany
"}},{"order":4,"details":{"name":"Jim","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-j-002_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-j-002_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Jim is a psychologist, father and divorcee. He splits custody with his ex-husband over their adopted son and experiences Grindr as what he encapsulated as “desolation for the old.” It’d be no surprise to any Grindr user that the community on the app, and the gay community more generally, glamorizes youth and discards the old. Jim is a frequent victim of random cruelties, or otherwise summarily dismissed based on his age alone. While leading a loving life as a father and as an established professional, since his divorce, loneliness continues to creep into his heart.
Location: Boston, USA
"},"messages":[{"text":"Hi I may be too old or too large for you. If that’s the case please excuse me and have a great day. Say hi otherwise, I’m looking for friends or more. I’m a Great lover friend and top.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 0:45:00"},{"text":"Sorry, just seeing this - hi!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 15:16:00"},{"text":"Hi. How are you?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 15:57:00"},{"text":"Good!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 17:29:00"},{"text":"What’s happening?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 17:46:00"},{"text":"You do photography as a professional?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:09:00"},{"text":"Yes I do!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:10:15"},{"text":"Cool. Fashion, Commercial?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:11:30"},{"text":"Documentary actually.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:12:45"},{"text":"But I do do commercial stuff too","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:14:00"},{"text":"Nice. Cool.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:15:15"},{"text":"Why did you need some pictures done?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:16:30"},{"text":"Actually not at the moment. You dont have lenses to make me.look.good.naked.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:17:45"},{"text":"Don’t say that, but it’s up to you. No worries.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:19:00"},{"text":"Thanks for understanding","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/20/2017 18:20:15"},{"text":"Grindr is desolation for the old","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:44:00"},{"text":"Yeah?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:45:15"},{"text":"Tell me more what you mean","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:46:30"},{"text":"The culture is so youth oriented. I’m a psychologist - did you know that the highest suicide rate is among gay men over 60? As an old guy you are useless.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:47:45"},{"text":"Gay eople over the age of 40 really don’t go out to bars there are no social outlets. At 60 people are about to just be dead.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:49:00"},{"text":"I see. Wow that’s hard to hear frankly","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:50:15"},{"text":"People put in their profiles that they don’t want to be contacted by over a certain age. That’s fine. But other people just put in that they don’t want to be hit on by creepy old man.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:51:30"},{"text":"That lowers us","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:52:45"},{"text":"Yeah I hear that","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:54:00"},{"text":"And now when I want to try and meet people I have to try and present myself as apologetic in order to minimize the number of people who freak out and call me names.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:55:15"},{"text":"And then there is the actual social aspect of the culture on Grindr. You could spend all night on here and not have one person say hello back or one real conversation or make one friend.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:56:30"},{"text":"Some of my friends died. Others moved away. This place is like a hell you can’t avoid.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:57:45"},{"text":"Grindr is like hell, a place you can’t avoid? Is that what you mean?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 00:59:00"},{"text":"Yes","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:00:15"},{"text":"I have to say I’m a bit at a loss for words","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:01:30"},{"text":"Or you can come online and maybe have a superficial hello or get abused or sometimes get nothing at all. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. It’s addictive and you always keep hoping that you’re going to meet somebody.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:02:45"},{"text":"Get abused? What do you mean by that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:04:00"},{"text":"Pretty demoralizing when people call you faggot or old or ugly or creep. I have even been told I ought to just go off and die.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:05:15"},{"text":"Wow that’s awful","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:06:30"},{"text":"Don’t be too surprised this is happening across our whole culture with texting replacing telephone calls less and less human contact being made available to people.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:07:45"},{"text":"Would you be interested in talking more in person? I think this is a really important aspect of Grindr culture people don’t think a lot about","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:09:00"},{"text":"Sure. You see bits of it around the edges for people of color or minorities also. You see it on their profiles where they will say be kind or If you’re racist don’t bother talking to me. Because a lot of Asian people have told me that they get treated horribly by people on here also.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:10:15"},{"text":"Yeah I do notice that for sure.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:11:30"},{"text":"Ok I’m off to bed but you can favorite in a.m. to be able to get a hold of me.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:12:45"},{"text":"Good night","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:14:00"},{"text":"Sounds good. Good night.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:15:15"},{"text":"Oh, btw what’s your name, I’m Nick.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:16:30"},{"text":"Dr. Jim Vermilya.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:17:45"},{"text":"Nice to meet you. Let’s talk soon.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 01:00:00"},{"text":"How’s your day?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 14:16:00"},{"text":"Good. Yours?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 14:55:00"},{"text":"Very productive. Catching up on a lot of work.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 14:56:15"},{"text":"Cool. That’s good. I’d like to talk to you more about your project at some point.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 14:57:30"},{"text":"Cool - yeah maybe we can find a time after the holidays?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 14:58:45"},{"text":"Sure","isUser":true,"timestamp":"11/21/2017 15:00:00"},{"text":"Hey Jim, how have you been?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:11"},{"text":"Good, you?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:12"},{"text":"Good. Last time we talked you brought up being older and using Grindr… tell me about how it was coming out for you?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:13"},{"text":"Well I came out for the first time while I was at the Univ of Miami, it was 1977. I was a sophomore. I was feeling relatively comfortable and thought that my friends would be cool with it but that was not the case. It was myself and 3 other guys in an apartment. One guy was a football player from Texas, the other was a foreign student from Turkey. They flipped out when I told them. Totally changed their behavior. He use to walk around the apartment and just casually not wear his shirt and as soon as he found out I was gay he never did that again. Just made our relationship really uncomfortable.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:14"},{"text":"Wow that sounds shitty.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:16"},{"text":"Yeah, so then I kind of went back into the closet until I came out more permanently when I was 27. I was living up in New England, finishing an internship. Coming out that time didn’t work out to well either but i had more strength in myself by then.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:17"},{"text":"I see. So what was dating like as a gay guy at that time?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:18"},{"text":"Well actually, you could rent a service where they’d mail you an envelop that had all the responses to an ad you had taken out in the newspaper looking for a partner.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:19"},{"text":"It was just really weird to write back and forth with these strangers… to try and figure out if it was safe, to figure out who the person was, if they were baiting you. But that was one of the only ways to meet other gay guys. It wasn’t like what it’s like today.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:21"},{"text":"Wow I can’t imagine that. Do any of the pen pals so to speak stand out?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:22"},{"text":"One that sticks out in my memory was one that kind of weirded me out. Eventually, after writing back and forth, we got on the phone and he said to come meet him at his place. The guy had just started graduate school and I drove out in the middle of nowhere to his place. Only thing is nobody was there. But it was a considerable drive and it was very clear that he had wanted me to go there so i was like hello hello. Weirder still it was clear someone had just been there. I was looking around the place for someone, and I saw a gun in his bedroom. So i thought i gotta get out of there, this is not right. So i got out as quick as i could cause i didn’t know where the person was if they were hiding or anything. And as i left there was a bald eagle on a tree stump and this eagle just sat there and looked at me. He took off and I took off too.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:23"},{"text":"Wow. Did you ever hear from him again?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:24"},{"text":"No. I wouldn’t put myself in that position again though.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:26"},{"text":"Besides those newspapers as, there were bars where you could meet people too. But that was difficult for me.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:27"},{"text":"Why","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:28"},{"text":"Because i didnt have a very positive perception of myself as a gay person and i was terrified of what other gay people would be like","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:29"},{"text":"What did you think they would be like","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:31"},{"text":"Put it this way, i remember going to sit outside a bar in Albany which is where i went to graduate school and i sat there and just watched the people just to see what kind of people went there.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:32"},{"text":"What’d you learn","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:33"},{"text":"People look pretty normal guys of different ages, women, men. Looked like an ok crowd. So eventually i went in.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:34"},{"text":"How’d that feel","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:36"},{"text":"Anxiety provoking. I didn’t know how to act. Eventually i met somebody.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:37"},{"text":"And the early days of the internet?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:38"},{"text":"Well, I know i met my ex husband through an ad but it wasn’t online. So I think things changed while we were married, so i didn’t get to experience that. When we got divorced, i started to get exposed to this now present online culture. That was back around 2010 or so. I’d have to check exactly when.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:39"},{"text":"I see. And what do you think of it all?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:41"},{"text":"It’s so toxic. I’m at the the point where if i see a message from someone on here, I'll look at the first few words and if I get the sense its negative, I try not to read the rest of it, because I’m a very visual person and it gets stuck in my head, so i try not to expose myself to it.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:42"},{"text":"It’s this bizarre effort that you put forth to try and contact people to see if they might be interested in you, in an almost apologetic manner. If they say, hi im not interested, that’s nice, its maybe even a plus, because you’ve had some human contact. And occasionally, people will be conversant, and that’s even better. The best is when you’ll find someone who doesn’t mind if you’re older, and that’s super. So it’s very rare that a hook up will come off from grindr. And even if you say yo are looking for friends, that’s tough too. I’d really like to make some friends on there or somewhere else, i just cant remember how to make friends anymore. I’d like some gay friends.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:43"},{"text":"It’s this bizarre effort that you put forth to try and contact people to see if they might be interested in you, in an almost apologetic manner. If they say, hi im not interested, that’s nice, its maybe even a plus, because you’ve had some human contact. And occasionally, people will be conversant, and that’s even better. The best is when you’ll find someone who doesn’t mind if you’re older, and that’s super. So it’s very rare that a hook up will come off from grindr. And even if you say yo are looking for friends, that’s tough too. I’d really like to make some friends on there or somewhere else, i just cant remember how to make friends anymore. I’d like some gay friends.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:44"},{"text":"Why","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:46"},{"text":"Just to have people you have something in common with. To talk about the things we all struggle with. I mean anything. Just being able to share, you know, relationship issues without someone putting their own spin onto it. Just being friends. But being friends with someone who is like you is different then someone who is straight married with kids.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:47"},{"text":"Do you feel lonely?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:48"},{"text":"Yes","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:49"},{"text":"What does loneliness feel like","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:51"},{"text":"Just wishing you had someone you could call up and do something with. It’s not that I don’t enjoy time by myself its just when you have too much of that time, or when you have no other options. I'll make plans to try and do things and if that falls through, I just don’t have that big of a network that I can put something else together.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:52"},{"text":"A lot of evenings or weekends if I don’t have my son I’ll spend it alone. Or I’ll do something by myself, go to the gym, go to the movies, but it’s always alone. So I guess loneliness is being alone too much when you don’t want to be.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:53"},{"text":"Would you rather Grindr didn’t exist","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:54"},{"text":"I have an ambivalent relationship to it. Sometimes I get to the point where I’m not talking to anyone in a positive way, so i delete the app like a lot of people do and i reinstall it","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:56"},{"text":"What goes through your mind when you reinstall it","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:57"},{"text":"That there really isn’t an alternative. And some contact regardless of its quality is better than no contact. And for me there really isn’t any other venue where im going to talk to a gay person. I mean there are other apps but they’re all the same.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:58"},{"text":"What do you think people misunderstand most about the age dynamic","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 14:59"},{"text":"Honestly im not sure how to answer that question. Cause i don’t ... i don’t get the age dynamic to some extent.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:01"},{"text":"Don’t you think its important for people","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:02"},{"text":"It might be, but its not the first thing that .... hmmm.... its not the most important thing. In my practice i see gay people straight people of all different ages, and after awhile age disappears and i kind of know, sure, there are people in there twenties, in their thirties and forties and people that are over fifty... but i don’t ask people how old they are. It’s not important to me.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:03"},{"text":"Has that always been the case?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:04"},{"text":"Yeah I grew up in a very rural area around people who were much older than i was, so they were my friends, and then there were my parents, and sometimes their friends would talk to me too, because i was always identified as a more mature person. But i think, where the age dynamic really comes into play is when you try to get into a relationship or friendship with someone, not to over generalize but college kids will want to go drink and go out to clubs... and i don’t like to drink very much anymore, and i don go to clubs cause thats an alien environment to someone who is older... and knowing that that is what they and their friends are going to be into, thats where the age dynamic comes into play. And also if you get into someone who is younger, both of you start playing the numbers game in your head... when im 50 your gonna be 79 and what’s that gonna be like... or i decide im gonna retire and your in the prime of your career... or who’s career takes precedence... but couples deal with these things all the time, but those are the types of things when you talk about age dynamics in relationships.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:06"},{"text":"What about the whole sugar daddy thing?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:07"},{"text":"It’s revolting. If I see that in someone’s profile i delete them right away. I mean some people may not mind that but i do. And theres a fair number of people who message me and say gen? (Generous)... or in other words, im so old im so gross, that if I pay them then they’ll have sex with me...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:08"},{"text":"How does that make you feel","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:09"},{"text":"Like shit. Depressed, Sad, lonely, hopeless, angry, frustrated. Delete. Block.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:11"},{"text":"When I look at profiles on Grindr, first thing I do is I read the profile. I read the whole damn thing and if it says i don’t want to hear from someone who is x years old, you just don’t message that person.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/8/2017 15:12"},{"text":"so you mentioned on the phone your decision to delete the grindr app?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/9/2017 21:42:00"},{"text":"did something specific precipitate it","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/9/2017 21:43:00"},{"text":"I’m speaking with a guy. Going to China with him actually. He said he deleted his. I opted to do the same.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/9/2017 22:08:00"},{"image":"images/message/jv-chat-image-001.jpg","isUser":"true","timestamp":"12/9/2017 22:08:00"},{"text":"Oh yeah? Is it a romantic thing?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"12/9/2017 22:21:00"},{"text":"I hope so.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"12/9/2017 22:22:00"}]},{"order":5,"details":{"name":"Shawn","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-sp-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-sp-001_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Shawn stood out at the sex party when he asked to be choked (safely) only to suffocate loudly, much to the dismay of the two dozen or so men trying to jerk each other off in the suburban AirBnB. He made his mark again when the group discovered the sensitivity of his nipples.
A self-identified kinkster, Shawn was the only guy there who was comfortable being identified in photographs. He swears cum is good beard moisturizer and earned his personal best of eight loads at once during the evening round of the party.
"}},{"order":6,"details":{"name":"Mike","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-m-003_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-m-003_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Besides being the genius behind this very app, Mike is a whiskey connoisseur and all around ideal friend. A prospective divorcee from a woman with whom he is on good terms, Mike and I alternate between buying poppers together at the local sex shop because neither of us is brave enough to go alone and smoking weed to discussing Urnings and art. Underneath a profession as a web developer is hidden his studio art degree."}},{"order":7,"details":{"name":"Jóhann","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-j-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-j-001_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Johann is an Icelandic national living in Copenhagen. A professional massage therapist, we met on Grindr while I was in Aarhus and he was visiting for the weekend. By his own admission he is guarded, presenting a carefully manicured personality. We talk about fucking twinks and the importance of individuality over co-dependence.
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
"},"messages":[{"text":"Hi","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:14:00"},{"text":"Thanks for the tap","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:16:45"},{"text":"Hey ^^","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:19:30"},{"text":"You looked interesting so welcome! *shrug emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:22:15"},{"text":"Haha how’s your night","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:25:00"},{"text":"It’s been splendid since the alcohol kicked in! *sweating happy emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:27:45"},{"text":"Haha I understand that!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:30:30"},{"text":"I’m walking home from g bar","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 2:33:15"},{"text":"I could use a burger *shrug emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 3:15:00"},{"text":"Hahaha omg that would have been so nice lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 14:34:00"},{"text":"You got maybe sth else *winky face*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 15:23:00"},{"text":"Haha yeah?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 15:42:00"},{"text":"Food is just the best *heart eyes emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 16:04:00"},{"text":"Who are you btw?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 16:06:00"},{"text":"??","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:17:00"},{"text":"What do you mean who am I ?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:18:00"},{"text":"Well like where you from, what brings you here etc *grin emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:20:45"},{"text":"Ahh","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:23:30"},{"text":"I’m from the US. I study at a photography school here in Aarhus","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:26:15"},{"text":"Creative and a foreigner","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:29:00"},{"text":"That is hot stuff *okay emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:31:45"},{"text":"Hahaha thanks man","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:34:30"},{"text":"Do you have other pictures","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:37:15"},{"text":"Yes I do *smiley face*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:40:00"},{"text":"What about you?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:42:45"},{"text":"*exchange pictures*","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 18:45:30"},{"text":"Hahaha so how’s Grindr treating you today","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:17:00"},{"text":"Well just horny boys and dickpics","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:19:45"},{"text":"Hahah yeah? I haven’t gotten any dick pics yet","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:22:30"},{"text":"Wish guy’s put bit more effort on presentation of their beef! Maybe I just atrract those types *cry emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:25:15"},{"text":"One of the daddy types asked if I did escort? *shrug emoji* WTF??","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:28:00"},{"image":"images/message/Screenshot_20180129-234423.png","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:30:45"},{"text":"Wow haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:33:30"},{"text":"So what do you look for here","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:36:15"},{"text":"I am on here looking for folks for my project mainly. And friends of course.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:39:00"},{"text":"What is the project about?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:41:45"},{"text":"It’s a bit hard to explain concisely but it’s about mental health, Grindr, loneliness, hook up culture, people’s experiences navigating the gay dating world. Sometimes we do interviews, portraits, all sorts of stuff. It’s pretty open ended right now","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:44:30"},{"text":"I just had this idea of shooting Polaroids and having people write on the photo what insecurity they have about their naked body","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:47:15"},{"text":"So what do you think","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:50:00"},{"text":"Sounds interesting :) All good reflections","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:52:45"},{"text":"Would you want to meet sometime to talk more about it","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 21:55:30"},{"text":"Would love to :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:41:00"},{"text":"I live in CPH though so just here sometimes for short visits","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:43:45"},{"text":"Yeah, how long are you in town now?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:46:30"},{"text":"I’m coming to Copenhagen before my flight to the US on the 11th.. Probably go down on the 9th or 10th","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:49:15"},{"text":"Ok ^^ I leave tomorrow","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:52:00"},{"text":"Oh damn so soon haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:54:45"},{"text":"We’ll have to connect in Copenhagen","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 22:57:30"},{"text":"Sounds like a plan *angel emoji*","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/28/18 23:00:15"},{"text":"Are you on WhatsApp","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/28/18 23:17:00"},{"text":"Yeah","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:15:00"},{"text":"I’m +16036863733","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:17:45"},{"text":"My name’s Nick","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:20:30"},{"text":"Johann","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:23:15"},{"text":"Okay cool, Text me!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:26:00"},{"text":"Hey","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:40:00"},{"text":"Johann?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:40:00"},{"text":"Jóhann","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:40:00"},{"text":"Yeah","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:40:00"},{"text":"Haha sorry didn't put the accent lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:41:00"},{"text":"Is no problem ^^","isUser":true,"timestamp":"1/29/18 0:42:00"},{"text":"hey so im thinking of going to Amigo this weekend, see what it's like, maybe see if i can meet anyone for my project.. have you ever been or?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:17:00"},{"text":"Many times, it is a hilariously sad place","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:19:45"},{"text":"hahaha that makes me want to go even more - what do you mean by that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:22:30"},{"text":"Nothing compared to those gay bath house services bigger cities offer but you can surely find some good material there for your project","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:25:15"},{"text":"hahahah i see - in what way did you mean it's hilariously sad? that's quite the description lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:28:00"},{"text":"It is just a forum for hypocrisy and primarily behavioral extinct that all men and specially gay men have! Closeted married dads fucking young confused twinks younger then their own children. Chem sex, quick release of of deprived sexual desires caused of religious or cultural backgrounds! Exchange of body fluids in the holy glow of horniness and the unconscious urges to release personal power and jizz! It is a awesome place 🍆💦💦💦","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:30:45"},{"text":"Though will never beat a cocaine party I once went to at Nørrebro and mostly sad because it will never be the same as Berlin with their insane gay scene!","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:33:30"},{"text":"hahahah omg! what a reply","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:36:15"},{"text":"so is it popular?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:39:00"},{"text":"Define popular? 😂 Is it a place you can wash and fuck? Then yes","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:41:45"},{"text":"I don’t have the excel file with all the statistics ;)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:44:30"},{"text":"Oh you don't?? ;) Bummer haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/3/18 14:47:15"},{"text":"So how are you today in general? Feeling better?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:38:00"},{"text":"Well I had this young twink over for a massage this morning, was fun though he was not as entertaining as I had hoped! Otherwise not much that happenede, I survived the evening shift!","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:40:45"},{"text":"Haha tell me more about that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:43:30"},{"text":"Watching this new serie on Netflix called Damnation! 😍 Getting pretty hooked on it","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:46:15"},{"text":"About my evening shift? 🤫","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:49:00"},{"text":"No the twink lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:51:45"},{"text":"The date, how it was","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:54:30"},{"text":"Well wasn’t really a date 🤷🏼♂ I gave him a massage and fucked him 😂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 18:57:15"},{"text":"No romance there 😏","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:00:00"},{"text":"Hahaha wow. But t meant like, how'd you meet... Did you talk for a long time beforehand or? Is that your thing lol? Massage and fuck?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:02:45"},{"text":"Maybe chatted with him for 4-6 weeks, he wanted a massage and I wanted ass. Felt like fair trade to me ;)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:05:30"},{"text":"Haha i see. 4-6 weeks is quite awhile for Grindr I'd say","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:08:15"},{"text":"How old was he","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:11:00"},{"text":"No I got his number, I don’t text so much on Grindr 😁😛🤣 I only log online if I’m bored or to do they daily blocking of 10 guy’s a day thing 😁","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:13:45"},{"text":"Hahah why do you have to block guys?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:16:30"},{"text":"I never block people","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:19:15"},{"text":"How old was he?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:22:00"},{"text":"I block 10 every day 😁","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:24:45"},{"text":"Hahah why tho","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:27:30"},{"text":"Cause they are old, annoying or boring me...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:30:15"},{"text":"What don't you like about old? Do you have an age limit?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:33:00"},{"text":"He was 18, blond, athletic","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:35:45"},{"text":"How do they annoy you","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:38:30"},{"text":"Oh wow 18. I can nervous even talking to anyone under 21 for some reason haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:41:15"},{"text":"Sounds pretty twink-y haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:44:00"},{"text":"Ugly dickpics, stupidity... there can be so many reasons 🤷🏼♂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:46:45"},{"text":"I really need to stop scoring twinks but they are just so easy","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:49:30"},{"text":"Oh?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:52:15"},{"text":"Like McDonalds, fast, cheap and easy 😉","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:55:00"},{"text":"Hahah how often are you fucking these guys?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 19:57:45"},{"text":"What do you like about the quick hook ups?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:00:30"},{"text":"Usually just once, I don’t like recycling","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:03:15"},{"text":"Why don't you like recycling?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:06:00"},{"text":"Fuck the same guy multiple times?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:08:45"},{"text":"Yes","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:11:30"},{"text":"Well actually I fucked 3 the same night","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:14:15"},{"text":"How’d that happen","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:17:00"},{"text":"Well I matched this 21 y/o on Tinder who claimed to be straight but wanted to be a sissy boy. Wanted to try a real cock instead of his dildo 🤷🏼♂ so I thought well I have a big dick you are most welcome to ride it","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:19:45"},{"text":"Dirty talked with him all evening, was not sure if he was for real and was getting bit horny so called my ex bf and fucked him","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:22:30"},{"text":"Then this Tinder guy wrote that hecwas coming so got rid of my ex before he arrived","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:25:15"},{"text":"Then played with him for 2 hours and was getting tired but was online Grindr and a Swedish guy was online that I had been chatting with. He was bit drunk and heading home from town. Asked if he should come and I just said yes! 😂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:28:00"},{"text":"Was a very exhausting night 😏","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:30:45"},{"text":"Hahah wow","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:33:30"},{"text":"So how often do you do this kind of thing, hooking up like that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:36:15"},{"text":"2-3 a week maybe","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:39:00"},{"text":"Have you always had a sex drive like what you have now","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:41:45"},{"text":"I get easily horny but just as easily not","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:44:30"},{"text":"Guess higher sexdrive then many but more often I rather wank then fuck a guy","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:47:15"},{"text":"Yeah why's that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:50:00"},{"text":"Get so tired of listening to young twinks and their hunger for attention and recognition","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:52:45"},{"text":"They express all that during a ten minute fuck?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:55:30"},{"text":"No during the hunt","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 20:58:15"},{"text":"You have to invest time in the hunt","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:01:00"},{"text":"The fuck itself is the easiest part 😉","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:03:45"},{"text":"It's a hunt eh?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:06:30"},{"text":"Do the guys feel blown after you don't write them anymore","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:09:15"},{"text":"Yeah like fishing, catch n release!","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:12:00"},{"text":"Possibly 😏","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:14:45"},{"text":"Haha I see.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:17:30"},{"text":"Why do you think you date or whatever you call it, this way?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:20:15"},{"text":"Why not slow down, have a bf for the long term?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:23:00"},{"text":"It’s not dating, just entertainment","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:25:45"},{"text":"Ahh. Do you not want to date right now then?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:28:30"},{"text":"Not really","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:31:15"},{"text":"Can not see any purpose with a bf 🤷🏼♂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:34:00"},{"text":"Food and friends gives a meaning on the other hand 😄","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/4/18 21:36:45"},{"text":"What's the purpose of the hook ups do you think?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 9:00:00"},{"text":"Satisfaction and pleasing the primal brain and medulla with the hormonal soup of oxytocin and dopamine? 🤷🏼♂😂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:33:00"},{"text":"Is a innated behavior imprinted to our genes for millions of years! Hard to change that 😉 Just spreading my seeds as nature created men to do 🤓 Pure science 🤪","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:35:00"},{"text":"Haha oh I see","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:36:00"},{"text":"But what if you couldn't hook up with guys anymore, would that be ok","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:36:00"},{"text":"Then there is death or the hand","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:39:00"},{"text":"Do you have sex a lot do you think","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:40:00"},{"text":"No I do it efficiently enough, not too much and not too little 😁 why let great skills go to waste!","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 14:45:00"},{"text":"I think the Gay scene is like cancer","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:09:00"},{"text":"What do you mean by that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:10:00"},{"text":"I know too much, who has been fucking, cheating, drug addicts... all the gossip and filth","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:10:00"},{"text":"Though the surface is all shiny and perfect 🤫","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:10:00"},{"text":"Easier with young twinks, they are new","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:11:00"},{"text":"Not as used as the olders","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:11:00"},{"text":"I see","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:11:00"},{"text":"😂","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:37:00"},{"text":"I get so depressed listening to myself","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:37:00"},{"text":"Going out for a drink","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:37:00"},{"text":"Now?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:38:00"},{"text":"Yeah and some shopping","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:40:00"},{"text":"Sounds nice","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/5/18 15:42:00"},{"text":"So I am kinda curious to hear more about your approach to relationships… you said you hook up w a lot of younger guys...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:17:00"},{"text":"Yeah maybe… hahah","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:19:45"},{"text":"Why is that do you think?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:22:30"},{"text":"I don’t have a fetish that they have to be young, but I guess it just makes me feel younger... because if I meet a guy that’s my age, 40, I just think, what the fuck happened to you","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:25:15"},{"text":"Do you say that about yourself sometimes?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:28:00"},{"text":"Yeah a lot of the time...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:30:45"},{"text":"What does that mean, then, wtf happened to you?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:33:30"},{"text":"Hmm.... it’s multiple layers... I have like ummm... well if I look at my younger self... If I was looking at my younger self… My older self wouldn’t actually be attracted to younger me, I think...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:36:15"},{"text":"Your now self, wouldn’t be attracted to your then self, you mean?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:39:00"},{"text":"Yeah, I mean I’ve become that person that I wouldn’t have liked as my younger self is what I’m saying.. it’s like when guys ask you how many guys have you slept with... and I’m like you mean this week, this month, this year....","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:41:45"},{"text":"cause i would have once made fun of older guys when I was younger thinking they were so sleazy because they’ve probably slept with 500+ guys but at this point I probably have also... and of course only 10 are memorable. It’s like McDonalds... you have something to fulfill... but the day after you don’t really have any memory... it doesn’t mean anything for you...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:44:30"},{"text":"It’s so meaningless. It’s just a itch. And you scratch it. And then it’s the next day, next moment. It doesn’t have any deeper meaning, or purpose, I guess.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:47:15"},{"text":"Does that freak you out?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:50:00"},{"text":"No.... That’s how men are.... even though they are gay or sixty years old... maybe that’s a bitter thing to say, but deep down... at a basic level.. We’re all the same","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:52:45"},{"text":"What do you mean by that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:55:30"},{"text":"Just that men are basic.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 12:58:15"},{"text":"What does that mean","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:01:00"},{"text":"Predictable","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:03:45"},{"text":"Are you predictable","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:06:30"},{"text":"Probably if you know me","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:09:15"},{"text":"Does that bother you?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:12:00"},{"text":"Yes","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:14:45"},{"text":"Why?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:17:30"},{"text":"Cause it’s always been my thing, I don’t want people to understand me... I don’t like to be analyzed or put in a box....","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:20:15"},{"text":"Do you worry that I’m putting you in a box?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:23:00"},{"text":"No, I only feed you with information that I feel appropriate haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:25:45"},{"text":"I guess that’s fine.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:28:30"},{"text":"You do get a lot of my thoughts","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:31:15"},{"text":"Does that mean that I understand them, or that I’m lucky enough to receive them?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:34:00"},{"text":"I mean I probably tell you a lot more than I would tell many others..","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:36:45"},{"text":"Why is that?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:39:30"},{"text":"Hmmm... I’ve always been a storyteller ...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:42:15"},{"text":"So why are you telling me more than others, if you’re a storyteller...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:45:00"},{"text":"Well... everyone deserves a different story ... I’m just giving you a story I feel like telling you","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:47:45"},{"text":"Your showing me what you want to show me","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:50:30"},{"text":"Yeah.... it’s about liking people ... or... how I handed you the key to my apartment and let you crash here .... I wouldn’t just hand a key to anyone... in fact you’re probably staying here longer than many people I know... I like the random nature of that...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:53:15"},{"text":"Yeah I appreciate you letting me stay here...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:56:00"},{"text":"Yeah it’s intriguing. It makes me curious","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 13:58:45"},{"text":"Do you feel like life’s a game for you?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:01:30"},{"text":"Yeah. Well it’s not a game, more like play","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:04:15"},{"text":"Like theater?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:07:00"},{"text":"Yeah.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:09:45"},{"text":"What does that mean?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:12:30"},{"text":"Well.... you always put on a show, a face, a theme... a behavior is something that you select…","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:15:15"},{"text":"Cause you have expectations... or ... how you want things to be","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:18:00"},{"text":"How you want your life to be?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:20:45"},{"text":"Not necessarily... just the moment... it’s like having uhhh wearing a sweater or a jacket, it’s a choice... how do you want to present yourself...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:23:30"},{"text":"Okay I understand… so going with metaphor what happens when the curtains close, what goes on backstage...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:26:15"},{"text":"Backstage.... family... yeah... I actually... That’s only family.. Who knows...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:29:00"},{"text":"What do you mean","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:31:45"},{"text":"Nobody knows me. In that way...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:34:30"},{"text":"No one knows your backstage life..","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:37:15"},{"text":"Only my family know it... yeah... cause you only show what you want to show... for me it’s about weakness... people should not know my weaknesses because that makes you vulnerable .... I always have this... people tell me you’re always smiling you’re always happy","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:40:00"},{"text":"But you’re not like that truly","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:42:45"},{"text":"No","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:45:30"},{"text":"What are you truly like","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:48:15"},{"text":"A bitch. *laughs* No... I’m like... sensitive...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:51:00"},{"text":"Do you ever wish you had one person who you wouldn’t have to perform with so to speak","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:53:45"},{"text":"No..","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:56:30"},{"text":"You get what I’m getting at, though?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 14:59:15"},{"text":"Yeah... no because that’s weakness... because you are saying you can’t be whole unless you have someone, I don’t like that thought... I like to be me...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:02:00"},{"text":"So you wouldn’t say you’re lonely then","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:04:45"},{"text":"Loneliness is the same as boredom","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:07:30"},{"text":"What does that mean","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:10:15"},{"text":"That it’s just part of the spectrum... if you can’t feel loneliness or boredom how can you feel happiness…","isUser":false,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:13:00"},{"text":"People on grindr always ask what are you searching for, and I’m like I don’t need to be searching for anything, I can enjoy having a hook up without feeling like I need to have it... if that makes sense.. cause nothing is more stupid then when people say oh I need a boyfriend, I need a relationship, because you can just be a whole being yourself, ... I don’t need someone to fill my gaps, my emptiness,","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:15:45"},{"text":"I’m not empty being single.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"2/10/18 15:18:30"}]},{"order":8,"details":{"name":"Matt","about":"Matt and I met while out on the gay club scene in Copenhagen. Matt is from Poland and struggles to be out as bisexual there. When we met it was his first time going to a gay club (or doing anything gay for that matter). While we were chatting he created a Grindr account for the first time. He has been learning Danish and is planning on moving to Copenhagen partially because Denmark is known for being more LGBT-friendly than Poland. Our conversation occurred on Facebook Messenger.
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-m-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-m-001_thumbnail.jpg"}},"messages":[{"text":"Disclaimer: Matt and I met while out on the gay club scene in Copenhagen. Matt is from Poland and struggles to be out as bisexual there. When we met it was his first time going to a gay club (or doing anything gay honestly). While we were chatting he created a Grindr account for the first time. He has been learning Danish and is planning on moving to Copenhagen partially because Denmark is known for being more LGBT-friendly than Poland. The following conversation occurred on Facebook Messenger.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/10/2018 8:26:00"},{"text":"You are now connected on Messenger.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/10/2018 8:27:15"},{"text":"Hey matt - nice meeting you last night - how was the rest of the evening","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/10/2018 8:28:30"},{"text":"Hi :) I don't remember when have You left.. you were with us in the last bar, right?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/10/2018 8:29:45"},{"text":"Also, do You remember names of anyone ? I wanted to add them on facebook, so I can plan to meet them again. or maybe You have already planned something ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/10/2018 10:58:00"},{"text":"Hey sorry I haven't replied","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:36:00"},{"text":"Was just packing and such for my flight back to the US","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:37:15"},{"text":"But now I've learned my flight is cancelled so I'm at a hotel haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:38:30"},{"text":"And probably won't be able to leave until Tues…","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:39:45"},{"text":"So if you wanted to get together again and maybe I could talk more about my project?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:41:00"},{"text":"oh, you cant stay with Johan anymore ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:42:15"},{"text":"I can but the airline put me up here at their expense","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:43:30"},{"text":"ok :) I have no plans for today to be honest. I just asked at couple facebook groups and couchsurfing about who wants to meet up","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:44:45"},{"text":"so we can meet anytime you want :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:46:00"},{"text":"Haha cool. Tomorrow or later this week could work. I need to get some work done... And see the status of my flight.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:47:15"},{"text":"Where are you staying","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:48:30"},{"text":"at rented room in Rodovre","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:49:45"},{"text":"15 minutes ride from the city center.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:51:00"},{"text":"Mm ok. Like an Airbnb or?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:52:15"},{"text":"yeah, exactly :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:53:30"},{"text":"Aahh okay. Yeah maybe we can get together at some point","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:54:45"},{"text":"Great. We can go wherever you want, I'm open for everything so, I'll wait for message from You, ok?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:56:00"},{"text":"No yeah I'll reach out. I really want to here more about Poland","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:57:15"},{"text":"Ok :) so, I'll be waiting then","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 6:58:30"},{"text":"sigh. still not clear what my plan will be","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:06:00"},{"text":"I think I will be here at least until Tuesday…","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:07:15"},{"text":"well.. i spent all day here, havent gone anywhere","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:08:30"},{"text":"yeah I feel that...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:09:45"},{"text":"now i am just hoping to meet someone .. i wrote on facebook groups, i am using couchsurfing hangouts... i am giving myself an hour. if i dont find anyone by 7 pm, I will go out alone...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:11:00"},{"text":"I've definitely traveled to places and spent way to much time in my room haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:12:15"},{"text":"ok :) To be honest, sooner or later I would have to overcome my anxiety and go to a bar alone.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:13:30"},{"text":"so why not today ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:14:45"},{"text":"Haha fair enough but bars aren't so fun alone on a Sunday I think.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:16:00"},{"text":"I see…","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:17:15"},{"text":"well, I wrote to couple people on Grindr - downloaded it for the first time","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:18:30"},{"text":"nice tell me how it goes!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:19:45"},{"text":"Ok. If I do find someone actually.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:21:00"},{"text":"I’m sure you will although I should say, Grindr can be a hostile place (hence my whole project honestly) so dont be deterred if people dont answer or are rude...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:22:15"},{"text":"Ok :) but I'll most likely go somewhere alone.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:23:30"},{"text":":D that works too … :) feel free to write while you do it if you want digital company","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:24:45"},{"text":"Ok :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:26:00"},{"text":"I got recommendations for one underground bar called Floss. I might go there","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:27:15"},{"text":"Oh okay - I haven't heard of it","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:28:30"},{"text":"https://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/floss-gdk808921","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:29:45"},{"text":"oh wow absinthe haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:31:00"},{"text":"yeah :) only thing i dont like is that smoking is allowed... but apart from that it looks great","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:32:15"},{"text":"yeah that sucks","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:33:30"},{"text":"that's what I like about GAY... it's smoke fre","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:34:45"},{"text":"free","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:36:00"},{"text":"Going to a bar and sitting alone is way too scary for me. I can't imagine dancing alone :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:37:15"},{"text":"hahah I actually did that the other weekend - I went to a gay bar in Aarhus by myself","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:38:30"},{"text":"it was really fun","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:39:45"},{"text":"but yeah I get why that would be scary.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:41:00"},{"text":"oh.. i might have found someone","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:42:15"},{"text":"ooooo! haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:43:30"},{"text":"I met a transgender person on interpals. do you know that site ? he introduced to his gay friend. they havent been answering me for a while, so i kind of forgot about them, but now they answered","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:44:45"},{"text":"oh that's pretty cool. I dont know it but sounds cool","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:46:00"},{"text":"oh. they want to meet either monday or thursday :(","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:47:15"},{"text":"ahhh.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:48:30"},{"text":"I see that you cant do much on Grindr without premium account :(","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:49:45"},{"text":"oh no that's not true... you can do almost everything... a premium account is unnecessary","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:51:00"},{"text":"i cant write to anyone outside of my area","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:52:15"},{"text":"i mean, on main page it shows me couple profiles and i cant write to anyone else","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:53:30"},{"text":"But your area is quite large no? Why do you want to write people far away?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:54:45"},{"text":"Send me a screenshot of your app","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:56:00"},{"text":"I go to map, set Rodovre as my locaton and i got this","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:57:15"},{"image":"images/message/grindr-screenshot1.png","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:58:30"},{"text":"see that locks ? when i click on them i got this","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 12:59:45"},{"image":"images/message/grindr-screenshot2.png","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:01:00"},{"text":"Oh no no","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:02:15"},{"text":"That's the explore tab","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:03:30"},{"text":"You don't need to set your location","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:04:45"},{"text":"Just use the main tab","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:06:00"},{"text":"The explore tab is new and yeah for premium membership but don't bother w it. It's if you want to see people say in Berlin for example","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:07:15"},{"text":"most profiles there are offline :/","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:08:30"},{"text":"and Johann showed up there :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:09:45"},{"text":"If they're online you can write them. It's fine. It will show that way even if they are barely offline. They'll likely get a notification on their phone or check the app","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:11:00"},{"text":"now i feel like its too late to try to find someone that way","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:12:15"},{"text":"i mean, i guess most people who want to go out tonight have plans already. i am getting ready and i will go out alone.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:13:30"},{"text":"Okay. Whatever you want. But it's never too late man","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:14:45"},{"text":"i mean, too late today :) I dont want to end up sitting here all night. Time for me to prepare myself and go","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:16:00"},{"text":"Haha ok. But that's what I mean, it's not too late today. You could write someone for the first time on Grindr at midnight and meet them by 1am","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:17:15"},{"text":"my grindr will be still on.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:18:30"},{"text":"Good","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:19:45"},{"text":"And You know, its better if i will be in the city centre already, and after one or 2 beers","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:21:00"},{"text":"mmm that's true","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:22:15"},{"text":"I was about to leave now :) but I'll turn on mobile data in a second","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:23:30"},{"text":"Haha whatever works for you :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:24:45"},{"text":"So I'm leaving. And I'm so fucking scared","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:26:00"},{"text":"You are? Tell me why","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:27:15"},{"text":"Perfect. Just perfect. My contact lens fell off","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:28:30"},{"text":"Can you get back to your Airbnb to replace it?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:29:45"},{"text":"Yeah...i have a spare one I have to go back","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:31:00"},{"text":"Okay - at least it's a solvable issue","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:32:15"},{"text":"Yeah, but I started to feel better. I was like - what can go wrong now? And well, this happened","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:33:30"},{"text":"Aww :( I'm sorry that sucks. Just try and get back to that energy","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:34:45"},{"text":"I'll try. I'll write you when I'm in the train. luckily I live close to the stop","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:36:00"},{"text":"<3 okay","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:37:15"},{"text":"So... It's just that I've never done any of these things","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:38:30"},{"text":"I've never been to gay bar. I never went to any bar alone. I dont have anyone to meet with in my hometown","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:39:45"},{"text":"Back in Poland I'm just spending all the time either at my work or at home- working out or trying to make any music","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:41:00"},{"text":"mmm I see - what about like going out with friends and stuff tho?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:42:15"},{"text":"In my hometown I have only one. I met her on Tuesday, after literaly 3 years of trying","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:43:30"},{"text":"oh wow that's hard. why is it so hard to make friends do you think?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:44:45"},{"text":"I don't know.. we'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm leaving train soon","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:46:00"},{"text":"oh okay","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:47:15"},{"text":"sounds good","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:48:30"},{"text":"good luck :) ill be here more or less, if you want to write","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:49:45"},{"text":"I'll meet with one man from couchsurfing, who agree d to meet me :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:51:00"},{"text":"oh that's great :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/11/2018 13:52:15"},{"text":"hows your day","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:15:00"},{"text":"I get to stay in the hotel another day.... still dont have a flight","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:16:15"},{"text":"how long are you in CPH for?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:17:30"},{"text":"So we will meet today?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:18:45"},{"text":":) yes after dinner","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:20:00"},{"text":"we could go to Oscar or something - it's a gay bar, but much more relaxed than GAY...","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:21:15"},{"text":"Ok :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 11:22:30"},{"text":"So should I start getting ready now? :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:04:00"},{"text":"I'm sitting down for dinner","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:05:15"},{"text":"It's taking forever for some reason","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:06:30"},{"text":"Ok. It's fine, we got all night after all :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:07:45"},{"text":"True","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:09:00"},{"text":"So just let me know when you start getting ready","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:10:15"},{"text":"Ok","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:11:30"},{"text":"getting ready","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:12:45"},{"text":"could be at Oscar in 40 minutes or so, what would your arrival time be?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:14:00"},{"text":"i need to check where is it :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:15:15"},{"text":"Just put in Oscar Cafe and Bar","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:16:30"},{"text":"it's in the center","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:17:45"},{"text":"near where we went out before","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:19:00"},{"text":"Ok :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:20:15"},{"text":"Ill head out now then","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 14:21:30"},{"text":"It really was so nice to grab a drink w you ... We have to talk more.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:31:00"},{"text":"You have to tell me how meeting up with that guy goes tomorrow and let me know if you have any trouble getting home","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:32:15"},{"text":"Don't worry about it, it's fine :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:33:30"},{"text":"As for going back home…","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:34:45"},{"image":"images/message/station-pic.jpg","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:36:00"},{"text":"I'm at the station already:p","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:37:15"},{"text":"Oh hooray :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:38:30"},{"text":"But I guess I'll just wander around a bit, try to take some pictures. But like I said, I'll be fine","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:39:45"},{"text":":)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 17:41:00"},{"text":"Make it back ok I hope?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 19:19:00"},{"text":"Yeah, I was about to go to sleep now","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 19:20:15"},{"text":"Haha cool me too","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 19:21:30"},{"text":"Ok, so goodnight then :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/12/2018 19:22:45"},{"text":"Hey. I am leaving to meet my friends soon, but i just wanted to check on you. any news about your flight ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 6:49:00"},{"text":"Nothing yet. On the phone with them all day....","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 11:49:00"},{"text":"Oh, that sucks :( at least you are not the only one who is waiting for the plane, right ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 11:50:15"},{"text":"Yeah I guess","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 11:51:30"},{"text":"I just came back from meeting with Mikkel, it ended up... crazy","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 16:59:00"},{"text":"hahaha tell me everything","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:00:15"},{"text":"i just met with him and the other person. Michael, female to male trans. They showed me couple gay bars, including Fair Ladies and Masken, gay sex shop Homoware and some other places. then Michael had to go back home, me and Mikkel went to the bar where he works, Kiss Kiss, and in the meantime he started to get close to me. like, really close. then at his bar we kissed and we went to his place","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:01:30"},{"text":"and you can guess what happened there","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:02:45"},{"text":"Hahaha what happened there??","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:04:00"},{"image":"images/message/hickey.jpg","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:05:15"},{"text":"among other things :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:06:30"},{"text":"Dude thats awesome haha :) how do you feel","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:07:45"},{"text":"feels good, you know, overcoming my fears. because i was so fucking scared of doing it","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:09:00"},{"text":"Yeah? That amazing to hear","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:10:15"},{"text":"Glad you had such a good experience","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:11:30"},{"text":"yes, it was really great :) and he has vacation now, said we can meet again while i am still here","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:12:45"},{"text":"That’s awesome!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/13/2018 17:14:00"},{"text":"how are you doing","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 10:56:00"},{"text":"I am finally in the US... almost home","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 10:57:15"},{"text":"I was supposed to go to Christiana but I'm getting drunk with my host","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 10:58:30"},{"text":"Oh wow haha","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 10:59:45"},{"text":"Early to get drunk no?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 11:01:00"},{"text":"A bit. But it was her choice. I was supposed to help her cleaning and then leave in the afternoon, but she just asked me for beers","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 11:02:15"},{"text":"She's having vacation now, so she's staying at home. And she said that tomorrow she'll go party with Johan and they will take me with them","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 11:03:30"},{"text":"Oh that sounds fun :) see how things come together!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/15/2018 11:04:45"},{"text":"How’s it going","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:41:00"},{"text":"Hey I've just arrived to Warsaw, now I just have to wait 3 hours for another flight","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:42:15"},{"text":"Also im ill. I know I should have stayed at home on Saturday, but I ended up going to Bastard to play some games and then partying in Christiana","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:43:30"},{"text":"Yeah?? How was Christiana","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:44:45"},{"text":"I was already tired and ill when we were there. And there was so much smoke that my eyes started to hurt at one point. Otherwise it was great","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:46:00"},{"text":"I wanted to go there at night anyway, so I'm happy I had a chance","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:47:15"},{"text":"oh thats awesome","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:48:30"},{"text":"Yeah,it was awesome. Sucks so much to come back","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:49:45"},{"text":"told you you should think about trying to move there in May instead of a year from May .","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:51:00"},{"text":"I will. I'll spend February and march here, then I'll start looking for any job in Denmark","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:52:15"},{"text":"Once I got it I call my boss, call Solveig and that's it, I'm out of Poland","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:53:30"},{"text":":) that's terrific !","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:54:45"},{"text":"We'll start boarding the plane soon, ill write you later, ok?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:56:00"},{"text":"yeah ttyl","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/19/2018 13:57:15"},{"text":"I am curious to see the pictures! :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/20/2018 13:29:00"},{"text":"sorry man","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:02:00"},{"text":"ive been so busy/stressed/sick","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:03:15"},{"text":"ive had the photos done for awhile I just have been too preoccupied to send them lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:04:30"},{"text":"here are 10 of my favorites","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:05:45"},{"text":"what do you think","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:07:00"},{"text":"*********************************SENDS PICS***************","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:08:15"},{"text":"I am kind of scared to look at them to be honest","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:09:30"},{"text":"Haha aww no :(","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:10:45"},{"text":"I never thought I am attractive, thats all.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:12:00"},{"text":"But you are! You are too down on yourself! Need to be positive","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:13:15"},{"text":"I guess I will be afraid to look at them until the weekend when i finally finish my wine","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:14:30"},{"text":"Hahaha okay whatever you're comfortable with :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:15:45"},{"text":"yeah :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:17:00"},{"text":"and.. You know i will set one of these as my profile picture, right ?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:18:15"},{"text":"Haha that's fine w me man","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:19:30"},{"text":"ok :) I will credit You, so dont worry :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/22/2018 14:20:45"},{"text":"Nick: hey how's it going?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 21:36:00"},{"text":"Hey :) So I am doing fine i guess. Except for atmosphere at work. which is absolutely terrible now. Yesterday I argued with 2 coworkers. About Denmark :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 23:27:00"},{"text":"oh shit that sucks. what about Denmark?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 23:28:15"},{"text":"Well, they have been trying to explain me that I dont know anything about Denmark and that the situation is not at all better than here in poland\nMatt: And that the fact that i was there for 10 or talked to expats from all over the world doesnt matter.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 23:29:30"},{"text":":/ yeah? I guess they dont realize how much a change of life / openness in regards to LGBT issues could matter to someone, cause you aren't out to them also?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:44:00"},{"text":"I told them that one big difference is how they treat lgbt people.\nMatt: But I dont think they realized that by that I meant MYSELF.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:45:15"},{"text":":/ yeah. how do you think they'd have reacted if they did realize that","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:46:30"},{"text":"I have no idea ... and I dont really care to be honest…","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:47:45"},{"text":"one girl is fine, but the other is so annoying. I had enough of her..","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:49:00"},{"text":"2 older warehouse workers are openly homophobic. So all i could expect from them is more hate","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:50:15"},{"text":"oh that's delightful.... *eyeroll*","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:51:30"},{"text":"one more month. when i come back from concert in Berlin I will start looking for a job","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:52:45"},{"text":"<3 good. I cant wait.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:54:00"},{"text":"I hope we can connect again when im in Denmark in early June","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:55:15"},{"text":"maybe you'll have a job and an apartment and all that!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:56:30"},{"text":"Yes, I hope so too :/","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:57:45"},{"text":"There seem to be a lot of work in Copenhagen. so i do have a chance to find something fast","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 12:59:00"},{"text":"<3 ahh that'd be so cool! ill hold my thumbs for you","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:00:15"},{"text":"Thank You so much :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:01:30"},{"text":"<3","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:02:45"},{"text":"And I am happy you wrote me yesterday. You know, my day got worse after that argument..","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:04:00"},{"text":":/ yeah i can understand why. I just would try and not let it get to you. You have a goal, and something to be excited about. Don’t let them hold you back.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:05:15"},{"text":"I know :/ and I dont care about them anymorte","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:06:30"},{"text":"I just focus on thinking that I will meet my friends in 3 weeks. and also on selling my stuff :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:07:45"},{"text":"<3 sounds like a good plan","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:09:00"},{"text":"still more a dream than a real plan :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:10:15"},{"text":"hahaha plans are only dreams made real :)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:11:30"},{"text":"yeah, I guess You are right :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"02/26/2018 13:12:45"}]},{"order":9,"details":{"name":"Simon","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-s-002_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-s-002_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"Simon is a former Christian resident of the White Mountains, where despite an apparent lack of women according to all the straight men who live there, gay men are as far and in between as the towns. While unable to reconcile his faith with his emerging identity, he has nothing but love for his former community and still participates in many church activities. Grindr is for people in Simon’s position, a necessary evil, in a world without gay culture, gay bars or even acceptance. "}},{"order":10,"details":{"name":"Brian","about":"If there ever were such a thing, Brian would be the guru of car hookups. Whether a high schooler with busybody parents or a twenty-something with those same busybody parents (who know lives again at home due to student loans), Brian, who likes sex as much as any other gay guy finds himself on the receiving end of many blowjobs sitting in his ’03 Chevy Cavalier driver’s seat. Cruising around his home town of Woburn, Mass. it was a what’s where of clandestine sexual encounters (and near legal improprieties). Our conversation occurred on Grindr and over text message.
Location: Boston, MA USA
","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-b-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-b-001_thumbnail.jpg"}},"messages":[{"text":"Hey man what’s good? Definitely interested in ur project. let me know if u wanna talk got some stories to share","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/03/2018 00:35:00"},{"text":"Yeah sure! Feel share away :)","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 02:26:00"},{"text":"Well I don’t know where to start haha but I’ve been a part of the hookup community since I was 15-16. My stories are very similar in the sense of car hookups. I lived at home and had very hovering parents. Always wondering what was up when with whom all that. I guess good parents because I was never one to get into bad shit. But it made my hookup life very sneaky. As soon as I got my license it was","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:04:00"},{"text":"a huge sense of freedom. Fast forward a few years and now I’m on Grindr. When I’d come home from college hooking up was very difficult because I couldn’t really host. I didn’t have my own space really I didn’t feel sexy in my house when I knew my parents room was right next to mine and me just holding onto those mental capacities of hearing a noise in the house must mean my parents are home. So","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:05:15"},{"text":"I resorted a ton if not exclusively to having all my hookups in my car. That became my second home but on wheels. I could get out of my house and away from watchful/prying eyes and find Grindr hookups easily. I could travel but I was always in a rush or didn’t wanna be in my car too long doing much so hookups became just getting head jerking off maybe me giving it but as a top I’d always enjoy getting head more. To me","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:06:30"},{"text":"It was hotter as a driver to get someone in the car and suck me off. We’d find a parking lot late at night and go at it. Many people were skeptical many people flaked on me but it honestly not that hard to do without getting caught. Over the years I realized many people don’t give a fuck what u do as long as ur not in eye sight of children or mass groups of people (I.e. don’t park in the middle of","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:07:45"},{"text":"A mall parking lot haha). So this was my shtick: finding car fun to pretty much do blow and gos and that’s it. When I’d go back to college I’d host at my place but when I’d come home it was always the car. Now fast forward a few more years and now I’ve graduated college and moved home permanently/temporarily (in that limbo state right now haha). Now I had lived on my own in Chicago for 6 years","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:09:00"},{"text":"Doing my own thing hooking up as any gay man does. But now I’m home back living with my dad who is still trying to parent still. texting me when I’m home for supper, the whole thing. I’m 26 it feels too much. I actually tried being honest and telling my dad I was having a hookup over once and he didn’t take it too well saying they’d come back and steal money in the house. I was like No Dad…","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:10:15"},{"text":"but anyway, I tried. I didn’t want to hookup in my car anymore but what do u think I did after I was kinda of told no, none of that in the house? Right back to it. And that’s where I am today: still finding car fun using parking lots to get head tried more stuff like sex and 69ing all that but when ur in a small car and spaces are cramped it isn’t the most fun or most sexy thing u can do lol but it’s what","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:11:30"},{"text":"I got. I do go over peoples houses for more stuff like sex intimacy cuddling all that but as u get older u don’t wanna do that with everyone just people ur into so mainly I’ve resorted to blow and gos again.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:12:45"},{"text":"As for the mental side it takes a toll. Many people aren’t into car fun most newbies are nervous u gotta coerce them (respectfully) and reassure them everything is ok. Like I said earlier I get flakes I get the many people who block me say no so I started settling for those who say yes and some of them aren’t my type. But the mentality is, well they’re the only ones saying yes right now","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:14:00"},{"text":"So there’s a lot of second guessing hesitation and anger, frustration because i was used to a certain way at college but car fun is the only thing I do now. It takes the sexiness out of hooking up sometimes. While car fun can be sexy doing it all the time is boring! And mentally frustrating!","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:15:15"},{"text":"So yeah… there’s my story","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 12:16:30"},{"text":"Wow what a saga haha!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 20:34:00"},{"text":"This just occurred to me but with all the car hookups, were you ever caught?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 21:57:00"},{"text":"Once. By a cop but he was mad chill and didn't do anything jus said \"if ur gunna do that maybe u should turn ur lights off\" we obviously left the area haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:36:00"},{"text":"Wow lucky break!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:37:15"},{"text":"Very lucky... haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:38:30"},{"text":"For sure. When you tried to bring that hook up home, that you mentioned, where you were honest with you dad, did his negative reaction have to do with the fact that it was a guy you were bringing home or just that it was a stranger?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:39:45"},{"text":"I believe it was because a stranger. But it may be because it was a strange man because my brother has brought women home who he doesn't see anymore and my dad","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:41:00"},{"text":"was ok with it I believe. Only difference is he met them in person so he may not have liked I met the dude off tinder. I do believe he is ok with me being gay","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:42:15"},{"text":"though it's just never ever talked about haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:43:30"},{"text":"Ahh I see. Yeah I guess I get that. He just lets it lie so to speak.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:44:45"},{"text":"Yeah exactly. And that's been my main reason why I don't host at home unless he gone for the weekend or I have someone in when he's not there","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:46:00"},{"text":"Makes sense. For me, I’d almost always rather hook up at home, than in a car, but you said sometimes it can be fun, if maybe not the only option you have... when it is fun / exciting, why do you think that is?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:47:15"},{"text":"I find it fun/exciting because I enjoy public play a bit. It's risky it's risqué and it's exciting to be outside of the bedroom and be somewhere else that","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:48:30"},{"text":"necessarily isn't sexy/sexual and have fun. The rush can be exhilarating to be somewhere with friends find someone willing to meet and then have a fast fling in","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:49:45"},{"text":"a parking lot somewhere before heading home. Also after I cum I get this burst of energy and love driving so to be able to be in a car after that and","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:51:00"},{"text":"drive/listen to music can be another experience in and of itself.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:52:15"},{"image":"images/message/2018-03-06-Brian-32.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:53:30"},{"text":"Oh wow that's interesting. Didn't think about that haha.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:54:45"},{"text":"I like driving fine but never connected it to cumming. Honestly, I feel like I just get tired afterwards lol","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:56:00"},{"text":"Yes and no for me. Depends on the time how good the hookup was and the vibe. It can be awkward after but usually I'm a people person so I'm hyper and then find","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:57:15"},{"text":"the value of being on an open road late at night.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:58:30"},{"text":"Does it ever like... stop feeling as satisfying or fulfilling after awhile, ya know?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 22:59:45"},{"text":"I think it takes away from the value of sex and intimacy in general. That I can find someone very easily and quickly off an app and be at his place picking him up or meeting him in <30 min or less. So there's no courting no dating no build up no mystery it's \"hey what u into? U down for fun? Send me some pics. Ok great","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:01:00"},{"text":"this is a match let's meet.\" So when u do find someone in person u like and enjoy it almost makes it harder to appreciate them as a person because ur mind jumps to ok with this work sexually I'm horny are they gunna wanna hookup now or should I wait etc. it definitely takes away from intimacy and getting to know","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:02:15"},{"text":"someone. And then oddly enough u feel rejected because they didn't jump into wanting to have sex or hookup with u right away. U wonder if ur u desirable because they didn't give u the same quick sexual reaction u give others","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:03:30"},{"text":"Hmm yeah I hear that. I've been in that situation for sure.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:04:45"},{"text":"Do you want a boyfriend then? Or are you content with the hookups for now?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:06:00"},{"text":"Yes and no. I do miss and crave that intimacy of getting to know someone them getting to know u and genuinely liking u not for ur dick or sexual ability but for u as a person and what u bring to this world. Because that gets lost all the time in gay hookup culture. U feel under appreciated and not appreciated all the time especially hooking up. But I've been in a long term thing before for 3 years and I know I want the next one to be right. It's hard to be vulnerable again","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:07:15"},{"text":"after a heartbreak so I know not to rush into anything and definitely need to work more on me first before I have another relationship and the responsibilities that come with one. But that being said I'm open minded and if something comes along that feels right then I will roll with the punches I'm just not actively seeking one just to have a boyfriend ya know?","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:08:30"},{"text":"So I do want a boyfriend but I'd never rush into anything haha that's the tl;dr version aha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:09:45"},{"text":"Aw yeah that makes sense. Sorry to hear about the heartbreak. That sucks. It definitely is easy to fall down the hook-up rabbit hole so to speak... for sure.","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:11:00"},{"text":"It is. I did stop from oct-Jan like did nothing for a bit then started going to the gym again and that activated some hormones but I'm happy to know I can control it and not worry about sex/hooking up for awhile.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:12:15"},{"text":"Do you think hooking up in cars is more common in queer culture than w heteros (lol heteros)","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:13:30"},{"text":"oh of course! Ur working with testosterone. Dudes who want a quick fix and nothing else. Girls u gotta do more. They aren't usually in touch with their sexual side they are horniness they makes dudes say fuck it and hookup in cars. So they want to be courted they like the chase/when the man has to work for it.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:14:45"},{"text":"So a car hookup to most (and I've discussed this a lot with some girl friends) is a bit dirty slutty can be hot to some but most I assume don't enjoy it. Gays are more ok (it seems) to not have penetrative sex than women and car fun usually resorts in more BJs HJs stuff if that nature than anal where u can and should have more to spread out haha","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:16:00"},{"text":"Haha I guess that's true that there are some practical considerations I suppose :P","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:17:15"},{"text":"Haha always.I feel like a fountain of knowledge for this project and I'm enjoying expressing my opinions and wisdom :P","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:18:30"},{"text":"Haha that's great ! You definitely have cool things to say!","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:19:45"},{"text":"Well thank u! Haha I'm extremely intrigued by this! Definitely piqued my interest","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/05/2018 23:21:00"},{"text":"Hey man leaving now I'll be there in 10","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:10:00"},{"text":"Ok text me when you're here","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:11:15"},{"text":"I'm in a green chevy cavalier","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:12:30"},{"text":"Fuck just a sec","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:13:45"},{"text":"Looking for a cable release","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:15:00"},{"text":"No worries I’ll be here","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:16:15"},{"text":"So hanging out tonight, you seem like such a happy, go-lucky kinda guy… but Idk about you, but no matter how good I’m feeling I have my down days. What creeps into your head when your between the upswings, ya know?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:17:30"},{"text":"Ha! There’s a good amount. I don’t remember the last time i was skinny, lets say that much. It’s definitely affected my view on how i interact with people... on Grindr, on Craigslist... even in person I sometimes just don’t feel confident period...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:18:45"},{"text":"it’s definitely been said to me, i don’t like you because your fat, i don’t like you because you’re hairy.. because your short.... and... it’s definitely affected the way i think about myself... how comfortable I feel putting myself out there.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:20:00"},{"text":"Something more dream based... i wish i tried harder in music school... focused more on my art and not listened to my dad nagging me about my loans... i wish i had taken charge in my musical career, not worrying so much about social situations...","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:21:15"},{"text":"See cause a lot of my insecurities come from worrying if im gonna have friends... not wanting to be alone. That’s something that even when im alone at home im still not comfortable sitting with myself. I wish i could not care about the haters... just do my own thing.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:22:30"},{"text":"what goes through your mind when you sit with yourself, as you said?","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:23:45"},{"text":"I wonder if I have friends... I ask myself, if my friends are actually my friends if they think about me the way i think about them. I wish i had someone to actually talk to and care about. Even though im talking to people on grindr and craigslist who i can technically talk to i wish i had that consistent presence of someone i could actually talk to without having to think about it.. and i do feel like i am alone in that aspect... and i think social media is great but when i go on and see people on vacation and all that i feel isolated and it sucks and no one wants to talk about that. And I Feel angry sometimes when im alone ... i think about my ex and feel cheated out of all that stuff im seeing online.","isUser":true,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:25:00"},{"image":"images/message/2018-03-06-Brian-23.jpg","isUser":false,"timestamp":"03/06/2018 19:26:15"}]},{"order":11,"details":{"name":"Jonas and Andi","pic":{"detail":"images/profile/profile-ja-001_detail.jpg","thumb":"images/profile/profile-ja-001_thumbnail.jpg"},"about":"I met Jonas over Grindr while I was waiting for the saga of my cancelled flight back to Boston from Copenhagen to be resolved. He lives near the airport. We almost immediately started talking about he and his partner Andi’s polyamorous relationship. It was mostly Andi’s idea. Andi has started using crystal meth to ‘ascend’ to a higher level of connection with his other partners and more and more sidelines Jonas’ feelings in the relationship. Despite the palpable tension, however, during our first meeting the whole attitude changed when Jonas, a sound engineer and musician, started playing his guitar. Andi sung with him and looked into Jonas’ eyes with a love that had only moments before seemed deeply buried.
Our conversation occurred on Grindr, Facebook and in-person.
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
"}}] \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/pages/profile/profile.html b/src/pages/profile/profile.html index b7fc523..4338a89 100644 --- a/src/pages/profile/profile.html +++ b/src/pages/profile/profile.html @@ -26,7 +26,7 @@